What You Mean You Not Happy?

 Hey... I'm sorry if I never speak. But it's only because I come here to get my word out to those who need it. Now all of you act as though you don't need it or may act like the person you pretend to be on Instagram, Twitter, or maybe even Facebook I don't know. But what I do know is what we all want but seem like it's so hard to find thanks to these fasages. Happiness is what we really seek even if we have everything we could imagine. What would it be if you're not happy?

 Now happiness is not something you can go looking for. You really have to feel it, you have to be able to always look at it in it's face and smile with no remorse. Happiness often sneaks through a door, you didn't even know you left open. It's the most refreshing feeling in the world. So a lot of times I don't get how someone simply cannot be happy!

 In a relationship if your not happy it won't work. If you want to be happy you will work for it. Happiness sees you. You cannot fake it. You first have to be real with yourself and let someone else enjoy you just the way you are instead of the way you're not. If you feel like you are settling I swer to you you're not happy. If you feel like you have to have the latest and the greatest your not happy. You can have a million dollars and not be happy. Don't let the finer things make you believe your happy. A person can treat you like complete shit and buy you something the next day that doesn't make the pain go away it doesn't mean anything. All it does it shows you that they can afford it.

 Someone who is truly happy appreciate it. Someone who wants to make you happy appreciate you and everything you do. Someone who can tell you you're beautiful flaws and all, wake up and think about you all the way until they go to sleep, except the fact that sometimes you snore or some creep shit you don't want no one else to ever find out lol, someone who really cares about your well being, and someone who believe in you and is always there no matter how far, someone who likes you just as much as you like them. Shit someone who likes you back. These are more than every reason to be happy. Someone will have this and I'm like HOW YOU NOT HAPPY? Because really how could you not be happy with that?

  You really cannot believe that because a person has money and a nice car that they can make you happy now if your partner do then that's a plus but if you go in trying to get something out of it your only looking for lust and not love or happiness. You're in charge of your own happiness; you have to want it and let it be known that that's exactly what you want and if a person is trying to trick you into believing because they have it all that they can make you happy you have to let them know happiness cannot be bought. DONT BELEIVE THE HYPE! These social sites will fool you. You would be suprise about how many people are not happy with their situations. Underneath the fasage is misery and sometimes you can tell because as humans we break down and slip up. We as humans are truly living in the GILDED AGES where everyone acts as thought they shit don't have a funky smell or everything that glitter is gold. When really we all want to be happy so bad that we'll fake it til we make it even if we know for surely it's not the real deal. IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO LOVE, SOMETHING TO DO, AND SOMETHING TO LOOK FOWARD TO!

Trick or Treat?

 Now days every lady is looking for that guy who can  provide for them; Right? Someone who can spend some money on you, oh naw y'all don't want no broke n*gga! I honestly think you ladies get providing and supporting a bit mixed up Tricking and treating  all the way messed up.That's okay, because now I'm here to help you separate the two. Single Ladies go grab a notebook and pen!

 First off , I'm going need all you ladies to stop calling these men tricks... why? Because when a man tricks he's usually a pimp tricking on his hoes who's about to be working that track and having sex for money. So if he is tricking on you because your giving him sex in return who's the hoe? hmmmm I'll wait. If you only got your hand out for some money your not an helping hand you're no better than these hoes working that track. It's not a good look; no guy wants a lady who forever got her hand out.

 Now their are ladies out here guys who actually can have that helping hand out so she don't need no hand outs. She helping herself and if you need her to do something for you its no problem. This is a turn on ladies; a guy cant help you if you can't help yourself. You always want to be that girl who can stand on your own two feet. You really have to have something going for yourself if you want anybody to respect you; you cant just be sitting at home not going to school, not going to work, not doing nothing. It only leave you with nothing to offer but a orgasm for these guys.

 A guy be knowing from the first time y'all text, talk, or link up if you are going to be a girl who he's trying to f*ck or a girl he's actually trying to f*ck with. It's all about how you portray yourself. Don't say anything that will give him the impression you want it as bad as he do. Now that is unless you actually do but you have to understand that's just what its going be. You really have to let him know what you're looking for from the start, do not go beating around the bush because you guys may start kicking it and he may start buying you things and you may even start to developing feelings when really he's doing all this tricking to get the treat.

 At this point this can go either two ways. If you told him you were trying to built a relationship and you have more than just sex to offer he may rock with you and start treating. Its not considered tricking if he actually f*cks with you. Now if you only have sex to offer and he just spend all this money on you he's going feel like sex is what he got in return for all the tricking he did. And nine times out of ten he will be on to the next. Sorry girl it was fun while it lasted. So kill that tricking word ladies its just silly to say "oh but he's a trick" if your not just trying to get some money and get f*cked. Let's be realistic for a moment. No matter what the situation is every guy wants to have sex when they first meet a girl but you can honest change if he wants to treat you or trick you. Its all up to you ladies!

What You Really Want?

  As a child my parents always tried to explain to me what my wants and needs are. Trying to tell me that my needs are way more important than my wants even when my wants out weight my needs. Now people take this a bit far, making their wants their needs and vise versa. Or sometimes even forgetting about their wants thinking they're unimportant!

 Wanting to be happy is important; wanting to be married is important; wanting to be successful.. IS IMPORTANT! None of these are exactly needs what so ever but are important when you're trying to figure out what your future will contain. It really amazes me how many people don't know what to say when someone asks them "WHAT DO YOU WANT"? If you want it then say it.. It's really that simple because most people can careless about your needs and get confused about wants.

  I thought it was so funny how I just seen toshthugettes post about how guys don't never be up front about what they want.. That's only because we all know what they want at the end of the day which is fine but leading someone on is never the case. If you want to be just friends but want to do what people in relationships do, which can be difficult, but shit we can make it work. All you have to do is say that's what you want! If you just want sex you need to say that's what you want. How don't you know if I may want that too? Don't go forcing anything because you're not sure what you want! And don't go forgetting what just sex means! Don't go acting as if you want something more because things could get pretty messy. And don't get upset when you get what you want be clear not misleading.

 Guys and girls be so worried about what they think they need but never know exactly what they want.  I always feel like if you don't know what you want then you don't need to be trying to mess with me. Only because time is a precious thing we can not get back. Please don't go wasting anyone's time just because you don't know exactly what you want... And most of us don't but that's something we all NEED to work on!

Triangle Effect

 Through out life we all go through these crazy dilemmas. Not all of us have gone through a dilemma such as a love triangle but a good handful has. Now recently there have been a few people who came to me for advice on what they should do and I'm only going to say this once. I can not tell you what to do I can only help you through ;You are your own person. I can't make you do anything. Ok, Alright, Cool.
So normally in a love triangle there are two ladies and a guy(NORMALLY!). The guy usually has one lady whom he really likes. Then he has another lady who he likes a lot but not so sure about. These ladies are two totally different people. Now I'm not going to call neither one of these ladies the main chick or side chick because if anyone wants to get technical no one is number one at first lol. It's the ladies who make him make that decision.

 Now a single guy can do as he pleases. He's not committed to either of these ladies; but once they find out about each other the competition begins, and us ladies make up these rules in our little heads on what a man can and cannot do and you cannot do that especially when he's is not obligated to you. I can honestly admit and vouch for this being a fact because I and many others I know maybe even the ladies reading this is like "hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah". How you going have rules for a game you don't have no control over!?

 Listen... When this competition becomes noticeable to the guy and to the public, especially the public... Is when it gets real! These ladies go at each other's neck, and we will all be right on these social site all in it. And what we might not peep is that there's always that one lady who's on chill while the other feels as though she has so much to prove. Doing the most is all a threatened female knows. And that's a major turn off. The lady attacking is pushing the guy so far away she doesn't even notice because she so caught up trying to compete with the next we going call her the crazy one.

 But just because the guy falling back don't mean he still don't "fuck with" the crazy lady. The lady who was on chill NORMALLY becomes the girlfriend and feels like she won when really he  still talking to the crazy lady. This is when the main chick side BS take affect and it's still a lose lose situation and y'all both dummies. Now because the guy has two girls he's trying to please  so he start. lying instead of keeping it real with the two ladies.

 My advice to anyone in this situation is this; If a guy is going to make you compete for a spot next him & this goes for both ladies; Don't no body want to be that "But I fuck with you" ass bitch. Excuse my French but that's just what it is. If he came with drama tell him it's a rap take that shit to FTR because don't nobody got time for that... Ties right into my "Rule #1 Never Be #2" ladies again... KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Just Fishing

 Every now and then I have a friend or associate who goes thru these misleading relationships.  It's always the same little routine "He like her; She like him; They have sex; The End". Thru out the time the two are messing around, they be doing stuff people in relationships do. So when one of the two lose interest it's shocking and the the one that thought it was something is more confused than anything because they just found out they weren't what the person wanted.

I get this question a lot when this happens "Memee what did I do wrong?""Mee what's wrong with me?"? And I'm like well... For starters THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You guys apparently weren't on the same page; which means you didn't even bother to ask the person what he or she wanted! This is important information in any relationship you trying to build. A simple "What do you want?" At the beginning not in the middle when your left asking "Well what are we?" When you notice things aren't like it use to be asking them this later will only scare and confuse them. Asking them what they want first; That's being specific. Letting them know what they're getting into is important especially when you're going fishing!

I stay fishing for my wants, because I know what I want. And a person who do not know what they want is going be stuck, and nine times out of ten end up in a "situationship" with someone who ain't with you all the way all because you don't meet their required wants; which really sucks. But don't go beating yourself up because you're not what someone want.

Going fishing is way easier when you know what you're trying to catch. You need to use your wants as bait. "Long-term relationship""honesty""freaky""like kids""know how to keep a conversation"...etc. you catch my drift though right? Especially when you first meet a person. Fish to get them to tell you what they want feed them your wants if you can work with it get them hooked.

Now just cause they tasting ya bait do not...DO NOT mean they're hooked. A fish could taste a few baits they think they like but not going get hooked, they'll keep trying other baits until they find a  bait they want; right there and then is when they'll eat it up and get hooked.

Getting hooked is only half of it. Reeling them is the other half. They might be scared and give you a hard time but you have to be strong enough to really pull them in.

But keep in mind were not really fish people! We are humans and we change are minds every day. So you might not like what you caught... Simply throw it back in and continue to fish!

The "R" Word

And no guys were not talking bout Real we talking bout Relationships! Now you have to know that this particular subject is very tricky so I'm going just give it to you my way!
There's always 5 steps in Relationships.
1. Friendship
2. Common grounds
3. Trust
4. Forgiveness
5. Friendship
Here me out one time because I know you thinking maybe there's something wrong with this step list, and if you thinking that I'm sure after I break this down you going feel me!
When in a relationship before anything you want to be a persons friend; you want to get to know a person; you want to know they deepest darkest secrets; you want to except their flaws and they except yours; you want to respect them being friends set a level of respect a person will have for you; you want to be that person they can come to and vise versa; you want to be able to do anything with and around them; you want to be comfortable, shit you want to be they friend. Now a lot of people do not do this & choose the ho' way cuz all these hoes know is ho' and wonder why everything be harder after they trying be with a guy they like. And it's mainly because they don't even know that person and thinking that's what guys like when that's not always the case. So you can't even act ignorant towards a situation once it occurs; you can't just say "I don't know why we stop talkin..." Or "I didn't know.." Of course you didn't know; you don't even know that person!!!
The next step is most certainly important. You must have common grounds! LET ME REPEAT!!! You MUST have common grounds!! When you talking to someone after you get to know them you know if you want to really be with a person especially if you guys is already friends you just got to see what type time the other person is about to be on; make sure that person got you like you got them; make sure they all about you like you all about them, because it don't always work like that. Maybe the other person is not ready, not trying go that route, or really just don't want to be committed. That's why you have to ask what a person want. Find common grounds because you might still want that person in your life; you guys might find another way that works out for the both of you, because everyone isn't always up for being down!

Now we got to get over this hump. Trust is the very next step in a relationship. You guys read my last blog on trust? If not go do that! But all seriousness. This is very important no matter what ship you on; relationship, friendship, fuckship, whatever. This is key. Keep it REAL at all times. You got to know that you can trust the person you with so no matter the situation good or bad keep it a stack even when it's the ugliest truth. This way when something does happen a person can always say "Well at least they kept it real and didn't keep me in the dark". You also have to know what your comfortable with because there might be a situation you feel like you could get over and if so then make it work. & KEEP YA FRIENDS UP OUT YA BUSINESS! You need advice they can give that but can't nobody tell you what to do. Most people be hypocrites anyway not knowing until they actually in a situation. It's hard when you love a person and they betray you; I know, trust me!!! You just have to have a limit because if not a person will continue to do single shit thinking you going be right there always, the trust will be all screwed up, you'll be looking stupid, and the relationship will be pointless sooner than later. You and that person won't have no type of common grounds, you'll be thinking you in a relationship why the other person doing them, doing other people, and still trying do you! 

If you have some type of sense you would know what comes with trust; Forgiveness. Don't ever not try to forgive because it's only hurting you. You have to forgive, you really have to, especially if you want things to work. You have to find self peace. Holding a grudge will have you miserable and unhappy. And just because your forgiving them do not mean your forgetting. I know people hate when someone bring up old shit... But sometimes you have to just to let them know "member you did that... I forgave you.. But that's why I be doing this". 

Last but really first. Because it's really a cycle if you think about it. You can't go out on a bad note. You really can't stay mad either. You will only be letting another person control your life and  your future. You have to always want to be friends because what would it really even mean if you just let the ship sink... You have to stay on board. Everybody go thru things everybody almost crash but both of you have to grab the wheel and get it back on track.

I know many of y'all is in a relationships right now reading this like damn is Big Mee talking to me? And yeah I am!  Make it work be happy don't let the little things effect what you work so hard on to built. But at the same time know your limit because sometimes enough is enough! & if you can't make it work stay friends keep it moving. Too many people in this world to be pressed about one!

trUSt

In grade school thinking and wanting all these friends was cool... just to grow up knowing most people don't know how to be a friend, how we expect them to even be a boyfriend or girlfriend.
I remember playing the trust game; Y'all remember that? You would fall back in front of a person just to see if they would catch you and if they caught you, you could trust them! PISH POSH right!? If someone want to see you fall.. They wont catch you!

Now days people rarely have morals and do things knowing it will hurt someone; Intentionally doing so just to get their own piece of satisfaction. Making most of us run with the saying "Trust NO ONE". Which is misleading in relationships because people have that mindset, its just installed in them making it hard for someone to even get close.
Me personally... I think trust is the hardest thing you can build with a person. Chemistry comes off the bat, sexual feelings comes very soon after, then trust gets involved, and I don't think people realize how bad lying could be.. even if you decide to tell the truth later on.
See, you lying about something just because your afraid (YEAH guys I said afraid because that's exactly what it is) that if that person knew the truth they would no longer want be in a relationship with you; Lying is only forcing you to be in one that's based on LIES... And you don't understand why they don't trust you!!!? You screwed up the trust fool!
People need to learn how to built trust. Give someone the opportunity to screw up and if they pass then they got your trust, for the time being at least because if another opportunity comes along and they fail; They screwed up the trust. When you go to repair trust you never forget, even if you forgive. You have to let a person know they can do what they want as long as their comfortable knowing the consequences. Mess up our trust lose us. Is it worth it? If so go for it, you can no longer trust a person after this. Without trUSt there's no US!