Just Fishing

 Every now and then I have a friend or associate who goes thru these misleading relationships.  It's always the same little routine "He like her; She like him; They have sex; The End". Thru out the time the two are messing around, they be doing stuff people in relationships do. So when one of the two lose interest it's shocking and the the one that thought it was something is more confused than anything because they just found out they weren't what the person wanted.

I get this question a lot when this happens "Memee what did I do wrong?""Mee what's wrong with me?"? And I'm like well... For starters THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You guys apparently weren't on the same page; which means you didn't even bother to ask the person what he or she wanted! This is important information in any relationship you trying to build. A simple "What do you want?" At the beginning not in the middle when your left asking "Well what are we?" When you notice things aren't like it use to be asking them this later will only scare and confuse them. Asking them what they want first; That's being specific. Letting them know what they're getting into is important especially when you're going fishing!

I stay fishing for my wants, because I know what I want. And a person who do not know what they want is going be stuck, and nine times out of ten end up in a "situationship" with someone who ain't with you all the way all because you don't meet their required wants; which really sucks. But don't go beating yourself up because you're not what someone want.

Going fishing is way easier when you know what you're trying to catch. You need to use your wants as bait. "Long-term relationship""honesty""freaky""like kids""know how to keep a conversation"...etc. you catch my drift though right? Especially when you first meet a person. Fish to get them to tell you what they want feed them your wants if you can work with it get them hooked.

Now just cause they tasting ya bait do not...DO NOT mean they're hooked. A fish could taste a few baits they think they like but not going get hooked, they'll keep trying other baits until they find a  bait they want; right there and then is when they'll eat it up and get hooked.

Getting hooked is only half of it. Reeling them is the other half. They might be scared and give you a hard time but you have to be strong enough to really pull them in.

But keep in mind were not really fish people! We are humans and we change are minds every day. So you might not like what you caught... Simply throw it back in and continue to fish!

The "R" Word

And no guys were not talking bout Real we talking bout Relationships! Now you have to know that this particular subject is very tricky so I'm going just give it to you my way!
There's always 5 steps in Relationships.
1. Friendship
2. Common grounds
3. Trust
4. Forgiveness
5. Friendship
Here me out one time because I know you thinking maybe there's something wrong with this step list, and if you thinking that I'm sure after I break this down you going feel me!
When in a relationship before anything you want to be a persons friend; you want to get to know a person; you want to know they deepest darkest secrets; you want to except their flaws and they except yours; you want to respect them being friends set a level of respect a person will have for you; you want to be that person they can come to and vise versa; you want to be able to do anything with and around them; you want to be comfortable, shit you want to be they friend. Now a lot of people do not do this & choose the ho' way cuz all these hoes know is ho' and wonder why everything be harder after they trying be with a guy they like. And it's mainly because they don't even know that person and thinking that's what guys like when that's not always the case. So you can't even act ignorant towards a situation once it occurs; you can't just say "I don't know why we stop talkin..." Or "I didn't know.." Of course you didn't know; you don't even know that person!!!
The next step is most certainly important. You must have common grounds! LET ME REPEAT!!! You MUST have common grounds!! When you talking to someone after you get to know them you know if you want to really be with a person especially if you guys is already friends you just got to see what type time the other person is about to be on; make sure that person got you like you got them; make sure they all about you like you all about them, because it don't always work like that. Maybe the other person is not ready, not trying go that route, or really just don't want to be committed. That's why you have to ask what a person want. Find common grounds because you might still want that person in your life; you guys might find another way that works out for the both of you, because everyone isn't always up for being down!

Now we got to get over this hump. Trust is the very next step in a relationship. You guys read my last blog on trust? If not go do that! But all seriousness. This is very important no matter what ship you on; relationship, friendship, fuckship, whatever. This is key. Keep it REAL at all times. You got to know that you can trust the person you with so no matter the situation good or bad keep it a stack even when it's the ugliest truth. This way when something does happen a person can always say "Well at least they kept it real and didn't keep me in the dark". You also have to know what your comfortable with because there might be a situation you feel like you could get over and if so then make it work. & KEEP YA FRIENDS UP OUT YA BUSINESS! You need advice they can give that but can't nobody tell you what to do. Most people be hypocrites anyway not knowing until they actually in a situation. It's hard when you love a person and they betray you; I know, trust me!!! You just have to have a limit because if not a person will continue to do single shit thinking you going be right there always, the trust will be all screwed up, you'll be looking stupid, and the relationship will be pointless sooner than later. You and that person won't have no type of common grounds, you'll be thinking you in a relationship why the other person doing them, doing other people, and still trying do you! 

If you have some type of sense you would know what comes with trust; Forgiveness. Don't ever not try to forgive because it's only hurting you. You have to forgive, you really have to, especially if you want things to work. You have to find self peace. Holding a grudge will have you miserable and unhappy. And just because your forgiving them do not mean your forgetting. I know people hate when someone bring up old shit... But sometimes you have to just to let them know "member you did that... I forgave you.. But that's why I be doing this". 

Last but really first. Because it's really a cycle if you think about it. You can't go out on a bad note. You really can't stay mad either. You will only be letting another person control your life and  your future. You have to always want to be friends because what would it really even mean if you just let the ship sink... You have to stay on board. Everybody go thru things everybody almost crash but both of you have to grab the wheel and get it back on track.

I know many of y'all is in a relationships right now reading this like damn is Big Mee talking to me? And yeah I am!  Make it work be happy don't let the little things effect what you work so hard on to built. But at the same time know your limit because sometimes enough is enough! & if you can't make it work stay friends keep it moving. Too many people in this world to be pressed about one!

trUSt

In grade school thinking and wanting all these friends was cool... just to grow up knowing most people don't know how to be a friend, how we expect them to even be a boyfriend or girlfriend.
I remember playing the trust game; Y'all remember that? You would fall back in front of a person just to see if they would catch you and if they caught you, you could trust them! PISH POSH right!? If someone want to see you fall.. They wont catch you!

Now days people rarely have morals and do things knowing it will hurt someone; Intentionally doing so just to get their own piece of satisfaction. Making most of us run with the saying "Trust NO ONE". Which is misleading in relationships because people have that mindset, its just installed in them making it hard for someone to even get close.
Me personally... I think trust is the hardest thing you can build with a person. Chemistry comes off the bat, sexual feelings comes very soon after, then trust gets involved, and I don't think people realize how bad lying could be.. even if you decide to tell the truth later on.
See, you lying about something just because your afraid (YEAH guys I said afraid because that's exactly what it is) that if that person knew the truth they would no longer want be in a relationship with you; Lying is only forcing you to be in one that's based on LIES... And you don't understand why they don't trust you!!!? You screwed up the trust fool!
People need to learn how to built trust. Give someone the opportunity to screw up and if they pass then they got your trust, for the time being at least because if another opportunity comes along and they fail; They screwed up the trust. When you go to repair trust you never forget, even if you forgive. You have to let a person know they can do what they want as long as their comfortable knowing the consequences. Mess up our trust lose us. Is it worth it? If so go for it, you can no longer trust a person after this. Without trUSt there's no US!                                              

Rule #1 Never Be #2

"#1 winner; #2 Never Remembered; #3 beginner..."

Many of you ladies may not like this... this is only my opinion and from my experience.
No matter how you put it, after #1 it's never important or even something to brag about. #1 is all you'll ever be compared to.
Ladies who take pride in being THE OTHER 1(lol) crack mee up; only because they're settling, not caring about their WORTH; practically saying all they're good for is being THE OTHER 1; It's enough for them!
How could you take "sharing is caring" to a literal state of life; How could you beat yourself down like that giving a guy that satisfaction of "having his cake and eating it too." You cant forget about your WORTH; your DIGNITY; your RESPECT; which you lack of for yourself for even letting this go on.
Every lady deserves to be a QUEEN. A man is only going respect you the same way you respect yourself so if you come off as a ho' he going treat you like a ho' you come off as a lady he going treat like one!
Don't go giving these men the impression that what he is doing is okay one way(YOUR WAY) or no way(HO' WAY) you're belittling yourself if you let him pick both.
Ladies know your WORTH!